Common Fears

There is one thing that almost all men have in common when becoming a first time dad, fear. There are many different things to be afraid of, but these fears are not necessarily things that you need to worry about.

Passing out
A lot of men are scared they will pass out in the delivery room. Since most people without children only know the Hollywood version of childbirth, when the actual event comes to pass, we are not ready for it. If you are one of the men with a fear that you will pass out during delivery, there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge;

• Take a childbirth preparation class with your partner.
• Talk to male friends and family that have gone through the process; they can help you understand what to expect and reassure you that if they made it, you can too.
• Understand that what you have seen in movies and TV shows is not what actually happens, it is all romanticized.

Also, while Hollywood makes it seem as though most men pass out during delivery, the fact is that most men do not. As Kevin Nelson says, "You would have to hunt far and wide to find an obstetrician or nurse who has actually seen the father pass out in the delivery room" (Nelson, 2004).

Aging
Now that you have a child on the way, you may start worrying about your age and mortality. It is understandable to start being afraid of dying. A lot of first time dads are young and have been able to avoid this topic, but now that you have something more than yourself to be responsible for, the thoughts are popping up in your mind about when you will not be here anymore. While there is nothing you can do to stop yourself from aging or dying, there are things you can do to live longer. A few big ideas are to stop engaging in dangerous activities--skydiving, street car racing, Russian Roulette--and to start eating healthier. Maintaining a healthy weight and life-style is a big part of ensuring that you will live to see grandchildren.

Relationship with Your Wife
Both men and women struggle with the fear of what a child will do to their marriage. To put it in perspective, here are some stressors that come with having a child:

• Less free time/romantic time
• More exhaustion
• More demands
• Potential disagreements
• Financial worries

This is definitely not a full list, so you can see there is a lot of new tension on the relationship. I would love to say that there are remedies for any or all of these stressors, but that is just not the case. You will have to fight to keep your marriage intact. It is not easy, but no one ever said life is.