Fathers' Intentions

Pregnancy Intentions
The timing of a pregnancy can play a vital role in the way you react to the news. If a pregnancy is intended—meaning it is planned at the time of conception—you are more willing to take an active role in the pregnancy and be excited about the child; however, if the pregnancy is mistimed—improper timing, but wanted eventually—or unwanted—not wanted at time of conception or in the future—it is harder to want to be involved.

Research
Many researchers have studied the intentions of a mother during pregnancy to determine health benefits and plan population growth trends. According to Bronte-Tinkew, Scott, Horowitz, and Lilja, “Available research on fathers’ pregnancy intentions is scant, however, and suffers from several limitations” (Bronte-Tinkew et al., 2009). For this reason, they decided to do some research on the topic themselves. They discovered that, men must be able to change their preconceptions of themselves and accept their new role as a father. While some men are able to accomplish this, many others will have negative transitions and develop jealousy and increased stress.

Importance
A man’s ability to deal with the life changes that occur during the transition to fatherhood is pivotal in the health of everyone involved. A successful transition means:

• For the father, reduced stress and increased happiness over the events to come. Also leads to a willingness to accept responsibility.
• For the mother, the help and support that is needed in such a meaningful and trying time. The midnight food runs and foot/neck massages are nice too.
• For the child, a loving father that will take an active role in their life.

To put it bluntly, when you are an expectant father, it is time to grow up and accept your responsibilities. If you do, the life and health of you, your wife, and your child will be greatly enhanced.

Smoothing the road ahead

Getting into the groove
Your life should is now starting to stabilize after receiving the big news. The news of being father has been spread to the important people in your life and you have started to come to grips with the news yourself. Now that you are back on solid ground, there are some things that you are going have to start doing, and some things you are going to want to quit.

Time you learn some new skills
There are a few skills you are going to need to learn to make the road to fatherhood smoother. For instance, you are going to have to learn how to do some small things around the house. Some of these skills will make your house a better/safer place to live, while others will be for the sole purpose of keeping your wife healthy and happy—luckily some of these will be able to fill both criteria. These tasks include, but are not limited to

• Developing handy-man skills
• You are going to need to be able to tackle small manual labor projects around the house using power tools. 
• Learn to cook 
• This is a big one. If you can learn to cook healthy dinners for you and your family, this will undoubtedly make your wife a happier person and help both of you live a little healthier. I cannot stress enough about how important it is for you to learn how to cook. 
• Develop a silver tongue 
• As covered in my last posting, your wife is going through some tough emotional/hormonal stress. Always be ready with a compliment about how beautiful she looks. This will make life better for you both. 

The most important thing is to be attentive to your wife’s needs. This attentiveness, above anything else you can do, will help this pregnancy out.

Time to stop with the bad habits
You know what your bad habits are better than anyone else. You should also know that bad habits can be easily learned by a small child. Now is the best time to buckle down and wean off of them. If you do any of the following now is the time to quit:

• Smoking
• You are an adult. I do not need to tell you about the dangers of smoking. I am an ex-smoker, so I know how hard it is to quit. But remember your life is not your own any more. Anything that you exhale, your child will inhale. Quitting now will allow you time to kick the habit for good. Once the habit is gone, you will not have to go outside to get your nicotine fix while your wife is in labor.
• Expecting your wife to cook
• As mentioned earlier, you are going to need to learn how to cook now. Your wife may not be feeling well or may just be exhausted. It will be a treat for both of you if you were able to let her sit and relax while you took care of dinner.
• Reckless activities
• Use common sense when engaging in certain activities. If something seems like it might be dangerous, it probably is and most likely is not worth doing. You want to be around to see your child grow up after all. 

This is not a complete list, but it definitely hits some of the big spots. You can always use this line of judgment: If you do not want your child to pick up a certain habit from you, then maybe you should quit so they do not learn it from their biggest role model.

Important moments

First Things First
Now that you know you are going to be a father, your life is never going to be the same. Your life is no longer about you; it is now dedicated to raising and nurturing the child growing in your wife’s belly. However, life does not have to change yet. There is still time for you and your wife to spend taking a vacation or doing other activities that you enjoy doing together.

Early Days

The first couple weeks of the pregnancy are going to be rattling. Early pregnancy symptoms are going to start effecting your wife. According to Port and Ralston (2005), some of these effects you will notice are (Port & Ralston, 2005):

• Feelings of joy, anxiety, and worry
• Surging hormonal activity
• Breast tenderness
• Morning sickness

While these effects are not debilitating, they will cause your wife's mood to change.You know your wife best. Use common sense and situational awareness. If she is sad, console her; if she is mad, step back and let her calm down. Or if possible fix whatever is upsetting her. Keeping your wife happy and healthy is your most important job.

Ultrasounds
Arguably the second most meaningful moment—second only to the birth—is the first ultrasound. Regardless of the plans you have when she goes in for her first ultrasound, cancel them. Even as early as the first ultrasound you are able to hear the heartbeat. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time is a huge moment for the both of you, and it is pivotal that you be there with her. Subsequent ultrasounds are also important to track the health of your child, but not nearly as moving. Although I would also recommend being with her when she goes in for the ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby, if that is something that you want to know beforehand.

Introduction

Topic
When your spouse is pregnant, you may frequently feel left out. Pregnancy—especially the first pregnancy—is a trying time for the parents-to-be. They must begin to adapt to a new mindset and expectations for such a life-changing event. My wife is currently pregnant with our first child, a boy, so I am going through all the trials that a man faces when expecting. I hope to make these trials easier for my fellow fathers-to-be by compiling useful information and organizing it in an easy to read blog.

Challenges
While pregnancy is physically more difficult on the mother--having to go through emotional and physical changes while incubating the child—I would argue that pregnancy can be more mentally challenging for us. The mother, understandably, is the center of attention; everyone always asks how she is doing and checking in to make sure she feels well and is taking care of herself and preparing for motherhood. We, however, can be almost completely ignored.

Rewards
Having a child is a reward in itself; children can bring happiness to a home and complete a family.

Purpose
Finding information on the emotional and physical changes a woman experiences during pregnancy is easy, but finding information about our perspective as the father is much harder. Locating information about certain obstacles a father-to-be faces is easy, but there are few sources that provide a comprehensive array of topics that men need to know. I am gathering scattered information from several sources and compiling the information into a blog in order to have all the information in a central location. This blog will include:

• what to expect from your wife 
• what to expect from family and friends 
• a few do’s and don’ts 
• information about how to keep yourself, your wife, and your child healthy 

Sources
There are several sources that I will use for information. My main sources are the book The Everything Father-to-be Book by Kevin Nelson and The Caveman’s Pregnancy Companion by David Port. These books are going to be my main sources of information, but I will use others as the need arises and let you know the information from the new sources.

Conclusion
Pregnancy is a life-changer. There is a lot of information about what a woman can expect, but very little about what a father can expect. I hope to make some of that information available.