Thank you!

The Big Day

The time has finally come! But do you know what to expect over the course of the next few hours? Labor can be broken down into four different stages; early, active, transition, and pushing

Early labor
This part of labor is the longest part. Early labor can last for several hours, during which you need to make sure to keep your wife hydrated, calm, and as comfortable as possible. The best way to tell when your wife enters the early stage of labor, is that her contractions will begin to occur at regular intervals; typically 10 minutes apart.

Active Labor
The second stretch of the labor process, active labor is usually shorter and more intense than early labor. Active labor is the stage in which you will want to head to the hospital or call your midwife/doctor to come to you. This stage can last for a few hours and your wife's contractions will be more intense and last up to a minute or so.

Transition
The transition stage is the wildest part of the labor process yet. The contractions will kick into over-drive lasting between 60 and 90 seconds and only being a few minutes apart. However, this is also the shortest stage lasting anywhere for 15 minutes to an hour. This is the fun sprint for your wife's body to prepare for childbirth.

Pushing
This stage of labor is the most intense yet. Unlike what is seen on T.V., this stage is not a quick one. Pushing can last up to an hour and a half in some cases. During this stage, you have a lot of work to do. You will need to be by your wife's side coaching her. It is very important to make sure that you keep your wife encouraged to keep going. Talk to her, tell her how proud you are and thank her for enduring this pain to bring your child into the world. The only time you should stop giving your wife encouraging words is if she tells you to shut up.

Couvade--by Eric Joshua

Pregnancy Period
As a father of two children, I have a lot of experience with pregnancy. The first few months of my wife’s pregnancy she underwent a lot of discomforts that affected me as well. These discomforts were body pains, heaviness, nausea, weakness, dizziness and vomiting due to hormonal changes. However, I experienced my wife pregnancy in two ways.

Nursing responsibilities

• Massaging her body aches every time she was in pain.
• Assisting her to the tub or shower.
• Helping to change her position when she’s sleeping.
• Positioning supporting pillow under the belly
• Prepared food for us.
• Assisting her to dress up.
• Driving her to clinics for checkups
  
  

The second experience was the feeling of being sympathetic to pregnancy also known as Couvade syndrome. Couvade syndrome is a term used to describe a situation in which an otherwise healthy man — whose partner is expecting a baby — experiences pregnancy-related symptoms. While some research suggests that Couvade syndrome (sympathetic pregnancy) is common, it isn't a recognized mental illness or disease (Todd B. Nippoldt, M.D., 2011)

Couvade syndrome condition

• The feeling of nausea.
• Loss of appetite.
• Dizziness.
• Mood swings.
• Weight gaining.

The uncomfortable feelings for both my wife and me lasted during the first three months. Several months later, she started to feel regular labor pains.. At times, I would cut sleep in the middle of night to rush my wife to the emergency room, only to  find out it was false labor pains.

However, some of the good experience that I enjoyed during this period were; the feeling of my child kicking from the womb, the joy of becoming a father, and the authority of selecting a name for my child. I continued to love and care my wife for the rest of the pregnancy until my child was born. As the doctors handed my child to me I was the happiest man in the world and I couldn't take my eyes away from her.

Bottom line, the pregnancy period can lead to difficult experience to fathers as well. In this period I learned a lot about pregnancy and its affects. Also I believe that my children are the priceless gift from God. Therefore, this belief kept me strong during the pregnancy period and I went through the all the tough times.

Author Eric Joshua.

Preparations

The time is soon approaching. Now, you will need to start focusing on getting the house and car prepared to bring home your child.

The Home
Setting up your house for your child is an important step; both for your child's safety and as a pivotal moment for you and your wife. One thing you may notice from your wife is the "nesting instinct". Women often start to focus on their surroundings and feel a strong urge to make everything perfect for the child. This is nothing to worry about, but it is good to know about so you can have a forewarning that this may happen. Personally I knew nothing about the "nesting instinct" and thought that the grandparents-to-be were over exaggerating with how my wife would act when it came time to start setting up the nursery. As I came to find out later, they were not.

The Nursery
This is the time in the pregnancy where you will actually get to do something productive. After the baby shower, you will hopefully have all sorts of new furniture, toys, and baby containment areas to set up. Setting up the big items--crib, play pin, swings, etc.--are a nice way for you to get to work and contribute to what will make up the majority of the places your baby will occupy.

The Car
Car seats are an absolutely crucial part of getting things ready for baby's coming home party. However, this is not as easy a task as you might think. How to set up a car seat properly is one of the most important things you will need to learn before your baby is born. In fact, the hospital is required by law to not allow you to take your child home until they have tested your car seat to make sure it is installed properly. But fear not, there is a website you can go to in order to find a location near you that will inspect you car seat for proper installation!

(Kevin Nelson, 2004)

Sex

Sex during pregnancy is something that does happen, albeit more difficult than you may remember.

Understanding your Partner
Your wife, obviously, is going through some changes; hew body is changing and most likely so is her libido. When it comes to sex, your partner is experiencing the same doubts and feelings that you are, possibly to a greater extent. It is important to keep in mind that a lot of women will feel self conscious about how they look, especially during the second trimester when it is sometimes hard to tell if a woman is pregnant or just carrying around a few extra pounds. You have to remain supportive and let her know that you still find her attractive.

Affect on the Baby
Most couples wonder if having sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby. In the majority of cases, the answer is no, your baby is well protected in the womb and will not be injured if you and your partner have sex. Having said that, your wife's doctor knows best, and if the doctor thinks that sex is not a good idea, then follow those instructions and abstain.

Positioning
Quite possibly the most difficult part of having sex while pregnant is finding a comfortable position. During the earlier months, before she gets big, almost any position is still up for grabs. But as she gets bigger, the list of comfortable and even plausible positions diminishes. In the later stages, it is all trial and error. You and your wife will have to experiment and try different positions until you find some that work.

Alternatives to Standard Sex
If finding a good position is not working, other sexual activities work as well. Oral sex is on the table and is rewarding for both partners. As Kevin Nelson says, "Cunnilingus... is safe as long as you do not blow and air into her vagina. Doing this could cause an obstruction in a blood vessel and be dangerous for both the mother and the child" (Nelson, 2004). And fellatio is always a safe alternative. If none of these options plausible or possible, masturbation is always a viable alternative.

Common Fears

There is one thing that almost all men have in common when becoming a first time dad, fear. There are many different things to be afraid of, but these fears are not necessarily things that you need to worry about.

Passing out
A lot of men are scared they will pass out in the delivery room. Since most people without children only know the Hollywood version of childbirth, when the actual event comes to pass, we are not ready for it. If you are one of the men with a fear that you will pass out during delivery, there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge;

• Take a childbirth preparation class with your partner.
• Talk to male friends and family that have gone through the process; they can help you understand what to expect and reassure you that if they made it, you can too.
• Understand that what you have seen in movies and TV shows is not what actually happens, it is all romanticized.

Also, while Hollywood makes it seem as though most men pass out during delivery, the fact is that most men do not. As Kevin Nelson says, "You would have to hunt far and wide to find an obstetrician or nurse who has actually seen the father pass out in the delivery room" (Nelson, 2004).

Aging
Now that you have a child on the way, you may start worrying about your age and mortality. It is understandable to start being afraid of dying. A lot of first time dads are young and have been able to avoid this topic, but now that you have something more than yourself to be responsible for, the thoughts are popping up in your mind about when you will not be here anymore. While there is nothing you can do to stop yourself from aging or dying, there are things you can do to live longer. A few big ideas are to stop engaging in dangerous activities--skydiving, street car racing, Russian Roulette--and to start eating healthier. Maintaining a healthy weight and life-style is a big part of ensuring that you will live to see grandchildren.

Relationship with Your Wife
Both men and women struggle with the fear of what a child will do to their marriage. To put it in perspective, here are some stressors that come with having a child:

• Less free time/romantic time
• More exhaustion
• More demands
• Potential disagreements
• Financial worries

This is definitely not a full list, so you can see there is a lot of new tension on the relationship. I would love to say that there are remedies for any or all of these stressors, but that is just not the case. You will have to fight to keep your marriage intact. It is not easy, but no one ever said life is.

Economics of Fatherhood

Panic sets in

Unless you are independently wealthy, you have probably felt a little panic over how you are going to pay for everything the baby is going to need. Dealing with the finances of being a father is stressful, but rest assured, you are not alone. Everyone comes to the point during pregnancy where they have a little bit of a panic attack while thinking about how much money they currently make and how they can make more.

Finances

Whether or not you are the sole bread winner in the family, it is imperative to talk to your wife about house hold finances before your child is born. Talking to your wife can help you both calm down and work out how to deal with bills and debt. Also remember that you do not need to be the sole bread winner in the family. While you are taking on more responsibilities around the house--i.e. cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the baby--your wife can also work to help bring in extra income. 

Items needed

There are many things that are going to need to be purchased before the birth; crib, stroller, car seat, etc. When you first go to a baby store and start looking at everything that is needed, you can start to feel a little overwhelmed. However, not all is lost; you need to take things in stride and realize that certain items take priority. While talking to your wife about the house finances, make sure you both know that while you want everything for the child, that may not be feasible. It is perfectly reasonable to get many of your baby's items from second hand stores or as hand me downs from friends and family. According to Kevin Nelson, you should "think twice before going into debt to buy a bunch of new stuff. If you do, you are doing a disservice to yourself and your child" (Nelson, 2004).

Debt

If you are currently in debt, that will be something that you will want to focus on paying down as much as possible before your baby comes. Paying a little extra now can help reduce the amount you will pay in interest later on. 

Credit Cards

Money that you put on a credit card needs to be paid back, with interest. Just like other types of debt, it is a good idea to start paying down your current balance now. Paying down your credit cards now will allow you to have more credit available a few months down the road if absolutely necessary.

Benefits of the Father's Involvement

An Active Role
It is important for a father-to-be to have an active role during pregnancy. The father-to-be can offer important psychological, emotional, and moral support. According to Plantin, Olyukoya, and Ny, "studies relating to pregnancy indicate a relationship between the father's support and the mother's physical health" (Plantin et al., 2011).

Health Benefits
There are many health benefits that can stem from a father's involvement during pregnancy. Plantin et al. point out that children born to a  family with an active father are less likely to be born with a low-birth weight. The reason for a low-birth rate is often insufficient caloric intake which is offset by the father preparing healthy meals and providing economic resources (Plantin et al., 2011). Being an active father can also have more immediate and obvious health benefits as well. For instance, taking care of chores around the house that your wife would normally handle can give her more time to relax and reduce stress. This reduction in stress and extra time to herself can help lower her blood pressure, reducing the risk of more dangerous health problems later.

Fathers' Intentions

Pregnancy Intentions
The timing of a pregnancy can play a vital role in the way you react to the news. If a pregnancy is intended—meaning it is planned at the time of conception—you are more willing to take an active role in the pregnancy and be excited about the child; however, if the pregnancy is mistimed—improper timing, but wanted eventually—or unwanted—not wanted at time of conception or in the future—it is harder to want to be involved.

Research
Many researchers have studied the intentions of a mother during pregnancy to determine health benefits and plan population growth trends. According to Bronte-Tinkew, Scott, Horowitz, and Lilja, “Available research on fathers’ pregnancy intentions is scant, however, and suffers from several limitations” (Bronte-Tinkew et al., 2009). For this reason, they decided to do some research on the topic themselves. They discovered that, men must be able to change their preconceptions of themselves and accept their new role as a father. While some men are able to accomplish this, many others will have negative transitions and develop jealousy and increased stress.

Importance
A man’s ability to deal with the life changes that occur during the transition to fatherhood is pivotal in the health of everyone involved. A successful transition means:

• For the father, reduced stress and increased happiness over the events to come. Also leads to a willingness to accept responsibility.
• For the mother, the help and support that is needed in such a meaningful and trying time. The midnight food runs and foot/neck massages are nice too.
• For the child, a loving father that will take an active role in their life.

To put it bluntly, when you are an expectant father, it is time to grow up and accept your responsibilities. If you do, the life and health of you, your wife, and your child will be greatly enhanced.

Smoothing the road ahead

Getting into the groove
Your life should is now starting to stabilize after receiving the big news. The news of being father has been spread to the important people in your life and you have started to come to grips with the news yourself. Now that you are back on solid ground, there are some things that you are going have to start doing, and some things you are going to want to quit.

Time you learn some new skills
There are a few skills you are going to need to learn to make the road to fatherhood smoother. For instance, you are going to have to learn how to do some small things around the house. Some of these skills will make your house a better/safer place to live, while others will be for the sole purpose of keeping your wife healthy and happy—luckily some of these will be able to fill both criteria. These tasks include, but are not limited to

• Developing handy-man skills
• You are going to need to be able to tackle small manual labor projects around the house using power tools. 
• Learn to cook 
• This is a big one. If you can learn to cook healthy dinners for you and your family, this will undoubtedly make your wife a happier person and help both of you live a little healthier. I cannot stress enough about how important it is for you to learn how to cook. 
• Develop a silver tongue 
• As covered in my last posting, your wife is going through some tough emotional/hormonal stress. Always be ready with a compliment about how beautiful she looks. This will make life better for you both. 

The most important thing is to be attentive to your wife’s needs. This attentiveness, above anything else you can do, will help this pregnancy out.

Time to stop with the bad habits
You know what your bad habits are better than anyone else. You should also know that bad habits can be easily learned by a small child. Now is the best time to buckle down and wean off of them. If you do any of the following now is the time to quit:

• Smoking
• You are an adult. I do not need to tell you about the dangers of smoking. I am an ex-smoker, so I know how hard it is to quit. But remember your life is not your own any more. Anything that you exhale, your child will inhale. Quitting now will allow you time to kick the habit for good. Once the habit is gone, you will not have to go outside to get your nicotine fix while your wife is in labor.
• Expecting your wife to cook
• As mentioned earlier, you are going to need to learn how to cook now. Your wife may not be feeling well or may just be exhausted. It will be a treat for both of you if you were able to let her sit and relax while you took care of dinner.
• Reckless activities
• Use common sense when engaging in certain activities. If something seems like it might be dangerous, it probably is and most likely is not worth doing. You want to be around to see your child grow up after all. 

This is not a complete list, but it definitely hits some of the big spots. You can always use this line of judgment: If you do not want your child to pick up a certain habit from you, then maybe you should quit so they do not learn it from their biggest role model.

Important moments

First Things First
Now that you know you are going to be a father, your life is never going to be the same. Your life is no longer about you; it is now dedicated to raising and nurturing the child growing in your wife’s belly. However, life does not have to change yet. There is still time for you and your wife to spend taking a vacation or doing other activities that you enjoy doing together.

Early Days

The first couple weeks of the pregnancy are going to be rattling. Early pregnancy symptoms are going to start effecting your wife. According to Port and Ralston (2005), some of these effects you will notice are (Port & Ralston, 2005):

• Feelings of joy, anxiety, and worry
• Surging hormonal activity
• Breast tenderness
• Morning sickness

While these effects are not debilitating, they will cause your wife's mood to change.You know your wife best. Use common sense and situational awareness. If she is sad, console her; if she is mad, step back and let her calm down. Or if possible fix whatever is upsetting her. Keeping your wife happy and healthy is your most important job.

Ultrasounds
Arguably the second most meaningful moment—second only to the birth—is the first ultrasound. Regardless of the plans you have when she goes in for her first ultrasound, cancel them. Even as early as the first ultrasound you are able to hear the heartbeat. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time is a huge moment for the both of you, and it is pivotal that you be there with her. Subsequent ultrasounds are also important to track the health of your child, but not nearly as moving. Although I would also recommend being with her when she goes in for the ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby, if that is something that you want to know beforehand.

Introduction

Topic
When your spouse is pregnant, you may frequently feel left out. Pregnancy—especially the first pregnancy—is a trying time for the parents-to-be. They must begin to adapt to a new mindset and expectations for such a life-changing event. My wife is currently pregnant with our first child, a boy, so I am going through all the trials that a man faces when expecting. I hope to make these trials easier for my fellow fathers-to-be by compiling useful information and organizing it in an easy to read blog.

Challenges
While pregnancy is physically more difficult on the mother--having to go through emotional and physical changes while incubating the child—I would argue that pregnancy can be more mentally challenging for us. The mother, understandably, is the center of attention; everyone always asks how she is doing and checking in to make sure she feels well and is taking care of herself and preparing for motherhood. We, however, can be almost completely ignored.

Rewards
Having a child is a reward in itself; children can bring happiness to a home and complete a family.

Purpose
Finding information on the emotional and physical changes a woman experiences during pregnancy is easy, but finding information about our perspective as the father is much harder. Locating information about certain obstacles a father-to-be faces is easy, but there are few sources that provide a comprehensive array of topics that men need to know. I am gathering scattered information from several sources and compiling the information into a blog in order to have all the information in a central location. This blog will include:

• what to expect from your wife 
• what to expect from family and friends 
• a few do’s and don’ts 
• information about how to keep yourself, your wife, and your child healthy 

Sources
There are several sources that I will use for information. My main sources are the book The Everything Father-to-be Book by Kevin Nelson and The Caveman’s Pregnancy Companion by David Port. These books are going to be my main sources of information, but I will use others as the need arises and let you know the information from the new sources.

Conclusion
Pregnancy is a life-changer. There is a lot of information about what a woman can expect, but very little about what a father can expect. I hope to make some of that information available.