Sex

Sex during pregnancy is something that does happen, albeit more difficult than you may remember.

Understanding your Partner
Your wife, obviously, is going through some changes; hew body is changing and most likely so is her libido. When it comes to sex, your partner is experiencing the same doubts and feelings that you are, possibly to a greater extent. It is important to keep in mind that a lot of women will feel self conscious about how they look, especially during the second trimester when it is sometimes hard to tell if a woman is pregnant or just carrying around a few extra pounds. You have to remain supportive and let her know that you still find her attractive.

Affect on the Baby
Most couples wonder if having sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby. In the majority of cases, the answer is no, your baby is well protected in the womb and will not be injured if you and your partner have sex. Having said that, your wife's doctor knows best, and if the doctor thinks that sex is not a good idea, then follow those instructions and abstain.

Positioning
Quite possibly the most difficult part of having sex while pregnant is finding a comfortable position. During the earlier months, before she gets big, almost any position is still up for grabs. But as she gets bigger, the list of comfortable and even plausible positions diminishes. In the later stages, it is all trial and error. You and your wife will have to experiment and try different positions until you find some that work.

Alternatives to Standard Sex
If finding a good position is not working, other sexual activities work as well. Oral sex is on the table and is rewarding for both partners. As Kevin Nelson says, "Cunnilingus... is safe as long as you do not blow and air into her vagina. Doing this could cause an obstruction in a blood vessel and be dangerous for both the mother and the child" (Nelson, 2004). And fellatio is always a safe alternative. If none of these options plausible or possible, masturbation is always a viable alternative.

Common Fears

There is one thing that almost all men have in common when becoming a first time dad, fear. There are many different things to be afraid of, but these fears are not necessarily things that you need to worry about.

Passing out
A lot of men are scared they will pass out in the delivery room. Since most people without children only know the Hollywood version of childbirth, when the actual event comes to pass, we are not ready for it. If you are one of the men with a fear that you will pass out during delivery, there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge;

• Take a childbirth preparation class with your partner.
• Talk to male friends and family that have gone through the process; they can help you understand what to expect and reassure you that if they made it, you can too.
• Understand that what you have seen in movies and TV shows is not what actually happens, it is all romanticized.

Also, while Hollywood makes it seem as though most men pass out during delivery, the fact is that most men do not. As Kevin Nelson says, "You would have to hunt far and wide to find an obstetrician or nurse who has actually seen the father pass out in the delivery room" (Nelson, 2004).

Aging
Now that you have a child on the way, you may start worrying about your age and mortality. It is understandable to start being afraid of dying. A lot of first time dads are young and have been able to avoid this topic, but now that you have something more than yourself to be responsible for, the thoughts are popping up in your mind about when you will not be here anymore. While there is nothing you can do to stop yourself from aging or dying, there are things you can do to live longer. A few big ideas are to stop engaging in dangerous activities--skydiving, street car racing, Russian Roulette--and to start eating healthier. Maintaining a healthy weight and life-style is a big part of ensuring that you will live to see grandchildren.

Relationship with Your Wife
Both men and women struggle with the fear of what a child will do to their marriage. To put it in perspective, here are some stressors that come with having a child:

• Less free time/romantic time
• More exhaustion
• More demands
• Potential disagreements
• Financial worries

This is definitely not a full list, so you can see there is a lot of new tension on the relationship. I would love to say that there are remedies for any or all of these stressors, but that is just not the case. You will have to fight to keep your marriage intact. It is not easy, but no one ever said life is.

Economics of Fatherhood

Panic sets in

Unless you are independently wealthy, you have probably felt a little panic over how you are going to pay for everything the baby is going to need. Dealing with the finances of being a father is stressful, but rest assured, you are not alone. Everyone comes to the point during pregnancy where they have a little bit of a panic attack while thinking about how much money they currently make and how they can make more.

Finances

Whether or not you are the sole bread winner in the family, it is imperative to talk to your wife about house hold finances before your child is born. Talking to your wife can help you both calm down and work out how to deal with bills and debt. Also remember that you do not need to be the sole bread winner in the family. While you are taking on more responsibilities around the house--i.e. cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the baby--your wife can also work to help bring in extra income. 

Items needed

There are many things that are going to need to be purchased before the birth; crib, stroller, car seat, etc. When you first go to a baby store and start looking at everything that is needed, you can start to feel a little overwhelmed. However, not all is lost; you need to take things in stride and realize that certain items take priority. While talking to your wife about the house finances, make sure you both know that while you want everything for the child, that may not be feasible. It is perfectly reasonable to get many of your baby's items from second hand stores or as hand me downs from friends and family. According to Kevin Nelson, you should "think twice before going into debt to buy a bunch of new stuff. If you do, you are doing a disservice to yourself and your child" (Nelson, 2004).

Debt

If you are currently in debt, that will be something that you will want to focus on paying down as much as possible before your baby comes. Paying a little extra now can help reduce the amount you will pay in interest later on. 

Credit Cards

Money that you put on a credit card needs to be paid back, with interest. Just like other types of debt, it is a good idea to start paying down your current balance now. Paying down your credit cards now will allow you to have more credit available a few months down the road if absolutely necessary.

Benefits of the Father's Involvement

An Active Role
It is important for a father-to-be to have an active role during pregnancy. The father-to-be can offer important psychological, emotional, and moral support. According to Plantin, Olyukoya, and Ny, "studies relating to pregnancy indicate a relationship between the father's support and the mother's physical health" (Plantin et al., 2011).

Health Benefits
There are many health benefits that can stem from a father's involvement during pregnancy. Plantin et al. point out that children born to a  family with an active father are less likely to be born with a low-birth weight. The reason for a low-birth rate is often insufficient caloric intake which is offset by the father preparing healthy meals and providing economic resources (Plantin et al., 2011). Being an active father can also have more immediate and obvious health benefits as well. For instance, taking care of chores around the house that your wife would normally handle can give her more time to relax and reduce stress. This reduction in stress and extra time to herself can help lower her blood pressure, reducing the risk of more dangerous health problems later.