Friday, December 7, 2012
The Big Day
The time has finally come! But do you know what to expect over the course of the next few hours? Labor can be broken down into four different stages; early, active, transition, and pushing
Early labor
This part of labor is the longest part. Early labor can last for several hours, during which you need to make sure to keep your wife hydrated, calm, and as comfortable as possible. The best way to tell when your wife enters the early stage of labor, is that her contractions will begin to occur at regular intervals; typically 10 minutes apart.
Active Labor
The second stretch of the labor process, active labor is usually shorter and more intense than early labor. Active labor is the stage in which you will want to head to the hospital or call your midwife/doctor to come to you. This stage can last for a few hours and your wife's contractions will be more intense and last up to a minute or so.
Transition
The transition stage is the wildest part of the labor process yet. The contractions will kick into over-drive lasting between 60 and 90 seconds and only being a few minutes apart. However, this is also the shortest stage lasting anywhere for 15 minutes to an hour. This is the fun sprint for your wife's body to prepare for childbirth.
Pushing
This stage of labor is the most intense yet. Unlike what is seen on T.V., this stage is not a quick one. Pushing can last up to an hour and a half in some cases. During this stage, you have a lot of work to do. You will need to be by your wife's side coaching her. It is very important to make sure that you keep your wife encouraged to keep going. Talk to her, tell her how proud you are and thank her for enduring this pain to bring your child into the world. The only time you should stop giving your wife encouraging words is if she tells you to shut up.
Early labor
This part of labor is the longest part. Early labor can last for several hours, during which you need to make sure to keep your wife hydrated, calm, and as comfortable as possible. The best way to tell when your wife enters the early stage of labor, is that her contractions will begin to occur at regular intervals; typically 10 minutes apart.
Active Labor
The second stretch of the labor process, active labor is usually shorter and more intense than early labor. Active labor is the stage in which you will want to head to the hospital or call your midwife/doctor to come to you. This stage can last for a few hours and your wife's contractions will be more intense and last up to a minute or so.
Transition
The transition stage is the wildest part of the labor process yet. The contractions will kick into over-drive lasting between 60 and 90 seconds and only being a few minutes apart. However, this is also the shortest stage lasting anywhere for 15 minutes to an hour. This is the fun sprint for your wife's body to prepare for childbirth.
Pushing
This stage of labor is the most intense yet. Unlike what is seen on T.V., this stage is not a quick one. Pushing can last up to an hour and a half in some cases. During this stage, you have a lot of work to do. You will need to be by your wife's side coaching her. It is very important to make sure that you keep your wife encouraged to keep going. Talk to her, tell her how proud you are and thank her for enduring this pain to bring your child into the world. The only time you should stop giving your wife encouraging words is if she tells you to shut up.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Couvade--by Eric Joshua
Pregnancy Period
As a father of two children, I have a lot of experience with pregnancy. The first few months of my wife’s pregnancy she underwent a lot of discomforts that affected me as well. These discomforts were body pains, heaviness, nausea, weakness, dizziness and vomiting due to hormonal changes. However, I experienced my wife pregnancy in two ways.
Nursing responsibilities
As a father of two children, I have a lot of experience with pregnancy. The first few months of my wife’s pregnancy she underwent a lot of discomforts that affected me as well. These discomforts were body pains, heaviness, nausea, weakness, dizziness and vomiting due to hormonal changes. However, I experienced my wife pregnancy in two ways.
Nursing responsibilities
- Massaging her body aches every time she was in
pain.
- Assisting her to the tub or shower.
- Helping to change her position when she’s
sleeping.
- Positioning supporting pillow under the belly
- Prepared food for us.
- Assisting her to dress up.
- Driving her to clinics for checkups
The
second experience was the feeling of being sympathetic to pregnancy also known
as Couvade syndrome. Couvade syndrome is a term
used to describe a situation in which an otherwise healthy man — whose partner
is expecting a baby — experiences pregnancy-related symptoms. While some
research suggests that Couvade syndrome (sympathetic pregnancy) is common, it
isn't a recognized mental illness or disease (Todd B. Nippoldt, M.D., 2011)
Couvade syndrome condition
- The feeling of nausea.
- Loss of appetite.
- Dizziness.
- Mood swings.
- Weight gaining.
The
uncomfortable feelings for both my wife and me lasted during the first three
months. Several months later, she started to feel regular labor pains.. At
times, I would cut sleep in the middle of night to rush my wife to the
emergency room, only to find out it was
false labor pains.
However,
some of the good experience that I enjoyed during this period were; the feeling
of my child kicking from the womb, the joy of becoming a father, and the
authority of selecting a name for my child. I continued to love and care my
wife for the rest of the pregnancy until my child was born. As the doctors
handed my child to me I was the happiest man in the world and I couldn't take
my eyes away from her.
Bottom
line, the pregnancy period can lead to difficult experience to fathers as well.
In this period I learned a lot about pregnancy and its affects. Also I believe
that my children are the priceless gift from God. Therefore, this belief kept
me strong during the pregnancy period and I went through the all the tough
times.
Author
Eric Joshua.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Preparations
The time is soon approaching. Now, you will need to start focusing on getting the house and car prepared to bring home your child.
The Home
Setting up your house for your child is an important step; both for your child's safety and as a pivotal moment for you and your wife. One thing you may notice from your wife is the "nesting instinct". Women often start to focus on their surroundings and feel a strong urge to make everything perfect for the child. This is nothing to worry about, but it is good to know about so you can have a forewarning that this may happen. Personally I knew nothing about the "nesting instinct" and thought that the grandparents-to-be were over exaggerating with how my wife would act when it came time to start setting up the nursery. As I came to find out later, they were not.
The Nursery
This is the time in the pregnancy where you will actually get to do something productive. After the baby shower, you will hopefully have all sorts of new furniture, toys, and baby containment areas to set up. Setting up the big items--crib, play pin, swings, etc.--are a nice way for you to get to work and contribute to what will make up the majority of the places your baby will occupy.
The Car
Car seats are an absolutely crucial part of getting things ready for baby's coming home party. However, this is not as easy a task as you might think. How to set up a car seat properly is one of the most important things you will need to learn before your baby is born. In fact, the hospital is required by law to not allow you to take your child home until they have tested your car seat to make sure it is installed properly. But fear not, there is a website you can go to in order to find a location near you that will inspect you car seat for proper installation!
The Home
Setting up your house for your child is an important step; both for your child's safety and as a pivotal moment for you and your wife. One thing you may notice from your wife is the "nesting instinct". Women often start to focus on their surroundings and feel a strong urge to make everything perfect for the child. This is nothing to worry about, but it is good to know about so you can have a forewarning that this may happen. Personally I knew nothing about the "nesting instinct" and thought that the grandparents-to-be were over exaggerating with how my wife would act when it came time to start setting up the nursery. As I came to find out later, they were not.
The Nursery
This is the time in the pregnancy where you will actually get to do something productive. After the baby shower, you will hopefully have all sorts of new furniture, toys, and baby containment areas to set up. Setting up the big items--crib, play pin, swings, etc.--are a nice way for you to get to work and contribute to what will make up the majority of the places your baby will occupy.
The Car
Car seats are an absolutely crucial part of getting things ready for baby's coming home party. However, this is not as easy a task as you might think. How to set up a car seat properly is one of the most important things you will need to learn before your baby is born. In fact, the hospital is required by law to not allow you to take your child home until they have tested your car seat to make sure it is installed properly. But fear not, there is a website you can go to in order to find a location near you that will inspect you car seat for proper installation!
 |
| (Kevin Nelson, 2004) |
Friday, November 23, 2012
Sex
Sex during pregnancy is something that does happen, albeit more difficult than you may remember.
Understanding your Partner
Your wife, obviously, is going through some changes; hew body is changing and most likely so is her libido. When it comes to sex, your partner is experiencing the same doubts and feelings that you are, possibly to a greater extent. It is important to keep in mind that a lot of women will feel self conscious about how they look, especially during the second trimester when it is sometimes hard to tell if a woman is pregnant or just carrying around a few extra pounds. You have to remain supportive and let her know that you still find her attractive.
Affect on the Baby
Most couples wonder if having sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby. In the majority of cases, the answer is no, your baby is well protected in the womb and will not be injured if you and your partner have sex. Having said that, your wife's doctor knows best, and if the doctor thinks that sex is not a good idea, then follow those instructions and abstain.
Positioning
Quite possibly the most difficult part of having sex while pregnant is finding a comfortable position. During the earlier months, before she gets big, almost any position is still up for grabs. But as she gets bigger, the list of comfortable and even plausible positions diminishes. In the later stages, it is all trial and error. You and your wife will have to experiment and try different positions until you find some that work.
Alternatives to Standard Sex
If finding a good position is not working, other sexual activities work as well. Oral sex is on the table and is rewarding for both partners. As Kevin Nelson says, "Cunnilingus... is safe as long as you do not blow and air into her vagina. Doing this could cause an obstruction in a blood vessel and be dangerous for both the mother and the child" (Nelson, 2004). And fellatio is always a safe alternative. If none of these options plausible or possible, masturbation is always a viable alternative.
Understanding your Partner
Your wife, obviously, is going through some changes; hew body is changing and most likely so is her libido. When it comes to sex, your partner is experiencing the same doubts and feelings that you are, possibly to a greater extent. It is important to keep in mind that a lot of women will feel self conscious about how they look, especially during the second trimester when it is sometimes hard to tell if a woman is pregnant or just carrying around a few extra pounds. You have to remain supportive and let her know that you still find her attractive.
Affect on the Baby
Most couples wonder if having sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby. In the majority of cases, the answer is no, your baby is well protected in the womb and will not be injured if you and your partner have sex. Having said that, your wife's doctor knows best, and if the doctor thinks that sex is not a good idea, then follow those instructions and abstain.
Positioning
Quite possibly the most difficult part of having sex while pregnant is finding a comfortable position. During the earlier months, before she gets big, almost any position is still up for grabs. But as she gets bigger, the list of comfortable and even plausible positions diminishes. In the later stages, it is all trial and error. You and your wife will have to experiment and try different positions until you find some that work.
Alternatives to Standard Sex
If finding a good position is not working, other sexual activities work as well. Oral sex is on the table and is rewarding for both partners. As Kevin Nelson says, "Cunnilingus... is safe as long as you do not blow and air into her vagina. Doing this could cause an obstruction in a blood vessel and be dangerous for both the mother and the child" (Nelson, 2004). And fellatio is always a safe alternative. If none of these options plausible or possible, masturbation is always a viable alternative.
Common Fears
There is one thing that almost all men have in common when becoming a first time dad, fear. There are many different things to be afraid of, but these fears are not necessarily things that you need to worry about.
Passing out
A lot of men are scared they will pass out in the delivery room. Since most people without children only know the Hollywood version of childbirth, when the actual event comes to pass, we are not ready for it. If you are one of the men with a fear that you will pass out during delivery, there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge;
Also, while Hollywood makes it seem as though most men pass out during delivery, the fact is that most men do not. As Kevin Nelson says, "You would have to hunt far and wide to find an obstetrician or nurse who has actually seen the father pass out in the delivery room" (Nelson, 2004).
Aging
Now that you have a child on the way, you may start worrying about your age and mortality. It is understandable to start being afraid of dying. A lot of first time dads are young and have been able to avoid this topic, but now that you have something more than yourself to be responsible for, the thoughts are popping up in your mind about when you will not be here anymore. While there is nothing you can do to stop yourself from aging or dying, there are things you can do to live longer. A few big ideas are to stop engaging in dangerous activities--skydiving, street car racing, Russian Roulette--and to start eating healthier. Maintaining a healthy weight and life-style is a big part of ensuring that you will live to see grandchildren.
Relationship with Your Wife
Both men and women struggle with the fear of what a child will do to their marriage. To put it in perspective, here are some stressors that come with having a child:
Passing out
A lot of men are scared they will pass out in the delivery room. Since most people without children only know the Hollywood version of childbirth, when the actual event comes to pass, we are not ready for it. If you are one of the men with a fear that you will pass out during delivery, there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge;
- Take a childbirth preparation class with your partner.
- Talk to male friends and family that have gone through the process; they can help you understand what to expect and reassure you that if they made it, you can too.
- Understand that what you have seen in movies and TV shows is not what actually happens, it is all romanticized.
Also, while Hollywood makes it seem as though most men pass out during delivery, the fact is that most men do not. As Kevin Nelson says, "You would have to hunt far and wide to find an obstetrician or nurse who has actually seen the father pass out in the delivery room" (Nelson, 2004).
Aging
Now that you have a child on the way, you may start worrying about your age and mortality. It is understandable to start being afraid of dying. A lot of first time dads are young and have been able to avoid this topic, but now that you have something more than yourself to be responsible for, the thoughts are popping up in your mind about when you will not be here anymore. While there is nothing you can do to stop yourself from aging or dying, there are things you can do to live longer. A few big ideas are to stop engaging in dangerous activities--skydiving, street car racing, Russian Roulette--and to start eating healthier. Maintaining a healthy weight and life-style is a big part of ensuring that you will live to see grandchildren.
Relationship with Your Wife
Both men and women struggle with the fear of what a child will do to their marriage. To put it in perspective, here are some stressors that come with having a child:
- Less free time/romantic time
- More exhaustion
- More demands
- Potential disagreements
- Financial worries
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Economics of Fatherhood
Panic sets in
Finances
Items needed
Unless you are independently wealthy, you have probably felt a little panic over how you are going to pay for everything the baby is going to need. Dealing with the finances of being a father is stressful, but rest assured, you are not alone. Everyone comes to the point during pregnancy where they have a little bit of a panic attack while thinking about how much money they currently make and how they can make more.
Whether or not you are the sole bread winner in the family, it is imperative to talk to your wife about house hold finances before your child is born. Talking to your wife can help you both calm down and work out how to deal with bills and debt. Also remember that you do not need to be the sole bread winner in the family. While you are taking on more responsibilities around the house--i.e. cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the baby--your wife can also work to help bring in extra income.
There are many things that are going to need to be purchased before the birth; crib, stroller, car seat, etc. When you first go to a baby store and start looking at everything that is needed, you can start to feel a little overwhelmed. However, not all is lost; you need to take things in stride and realize that certain items take priority. While talking to your wife about the house finances, make sure you both know that while you want everything for the child, that may not be feasible. It is perfectly reasonable to get many of your baby's items from second hand stores or as hand me downs from friends and family. According to Kevin Nelson, you should "think twice before going into debt to buy a bunch of new stuff. If you do, you are doing a disservice to yourself and your child" (Nelson, 2004).
Debt
If you are currently in debt, that will be something that you will want to focus on paying down as much as possible before your baby comes. Paying a little extra now can help reduce the amount you will pay in interest later on.
Credit Cards
Money that you put on a credit card needs to be paid back, with interest. Just like other types of debt, it is a good idea to start paying down your current balance now. Paying down your credit cards now will allow you to have more credit available a few months down the road if absolutely necessary.
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